I'm Back Bitches

I'm back bitches. It's been a sleep or two since I've been in your ear, but here I am. A lovely reminder that I am alive and well. Infact, possibly doing better than I ever have. A lot of things have happen since my last post, almost 2 years ago.... I know... What the fuck was up with that hiatus? So let me catch you up on a few of the highlights.

First, this hamburger found her helper! That's right, the lady who was picking out puff paint colors for her DIY cat lady sweatshirt has officially checked into " 'til death do us part." Here's the fucking mind blow, he was a wiling participant! I know, crazy to think that the stench of hot mess was able to land a significant other. Not only did I land one, he is friggin HOT. Lady boner status. This guy isn't just a hot piece of ass either. No, no... Ladies, this man straight up is a change the game, flip the switch, praise the lawd, kind of man. He enjoys doing the dishes, he doesn't mind taking my daughter to school, he loves to cook (you know this bitch can't), and he likes to talk things out! He's a fucking unicorn! If I hadn't smelt his farts already I would swear to you this man shits rainbows out his ass. (He doesn't just so we're clear)

That's not even the best part! I get 2 more babies! Like legit, I now have 5 babies to love on. Just one short of the Brady Bunch but with all the quality of a sitcom. Sure, homework time looks like the enforcement of the No Child Left Behind Act. Dinner looks like the soup kitchen line at the local shelter. The meltdowns rival an exorcist scene. When we pile in and out of the SUV wearing orange people think it's the juvenile delinquents coming to clean the parking lot, or the funny farm is having a field trip. And our basement can turn into fight club real quick if left unchecked. What's the one rule about fight club? There is no fight club...

The blessing of the chaos is that we love fiercely. Sure, the older ones are sick of the younger ones at times. Sometimes, they all get sick of me. But the greatest things I have ever witnessed have happened in just this year. I watched my oldest son and daughter find their niche. I watched my oldest girl reach for goals and stretch herself in ways I never thought she would. With confidence and grace she has conquered so many areas of her life. I witnessed my oldest son break out of his shell. Hold himself accountable and try things he never thought he would ever try. The kid who had a hard time making it through an entire day with out crumbling, is now making it weeks kicking ass. No longer walking with his head down, but with a slow and slight air of belief in himself that had not been seen before. I have watched my middle daughter, conquer her anxiety of the morning and starting out in new experiences. She believes in herself and looks out for her younger siblings. Fiercely and deliberately speaking up for herself and others when it counts. My youngest son, every day will be a struggle. Some days will be full of victories, but they will always come with a price. The fact that everyday he tries. Everyday he wakes up, yells out his hatred for clothing, shakes it off, and then sings, "Good bmornin! Good bmornin! It's gweat to stay up wate" is an amazement in itself. And finally my baby, she has had her hiccups of adjustment, just like we all have. Sharing the spotlight hasn't been an easy thing for her to do. She is finding her contentment with our little moments here and there. Her smile and willingness to try has now developed along with her voice for who she is. 

I am amazed everyday that I groggily wake, that there is a wonderful man beside me, and it's not because I secretly handcuffed him there while he slept. That I hear my oldest children pouring bowls of cereal for everyone in the house before school. I hear my oldest daughter read to my middle daughter every night through the vent. I listen to all of them laugh and their awkward little conversations. I laugh secretly at their make believe scenarios of Godziila or kitties. I watch their faces light up when they remember it's pizza movie night or giggle over Annoying Orange in my room while I get ready in the adjacent bathroom.

So yeah, I'm back. I have put on a few extra pounds and started a farm of fucks I don't give... currently yielding a healthy crop of none. I have much more to say, but as you can imagine my house looks like the aftermath of a trendy protest. It needs to be cleaned up in a hurry, because this married lady needs to speak to a man about a boat.