I suck at being the Tooth Fairy

 "MOM!! The Tooth Fairy didn't come!!" That was the start of my morning. My internal dialogue screamed in my head SHIT!! As tears streamed down her face, my sleeping  body was playing catch up to my alarmed mind, I struggled to find some way to stop her world from crumbling.

 I was never the Tooth Fairy when I was married. I'm what you call a sleep lover he was the night owl. He always took care of the tooth fairy business. He took care of many other little things too that I am starting to notice with him gone. I know that the majority of the time I nagged him about doing important things because, let's be honest, we weren't that high on his priority list. But there were certain things that only he did.

 He was in charge of opening the jars and soda pop bottles. Grading the cheese and putting up the Christmas lights. Shoveling the driveway and reaching the top shelf. Climbing on top of the house and fixing the swamp cooler and playing trucks with Kelton. We compensated for each other's short comings. I have no upper body strength for opening jars, grading cheese or shoveling snow and at a ginormous 5 feet tall I am afraid of heights and can't reach the top shelf.

As catastrophic as our marriage was at times, there were those good times. Those times are still so precious and, at times, hard for me to access. I had my faults in our marriage as did he. I am far more forth coming with his short comings in our marriage because it still stings. A choice was still made on that fateful night that we all have to live with. I anguish in this. Wondering if there was anything I could have done different, or anything I could have said. I'm sure there is. But the past is the past.

As we make the best out of our separated lives, I notice the shortcomings of my own. I suck at being the tooth fairy. I avoid making anything that involves jelly and have moved most used things with in the first two shelves. I try to play trucks with my son but am the worst at it. My truck is always named after girl and she always wants to get her tires done. I fail at some things, I'm not afraid to admit that. I fail at being a father.

I wasn't designed for that calling. I was designed to be a mother. I was designed to kiss the boo boos and wipe the tears. I was designed to be the soft place. But I was also designed to be a strong woman. I am not going to ever be their dad nor will anyone else be able to fill that role. I am just going to avoid pb&j's and come to grips with my fear of heights and Kelton will just have to deal with Veronica wanting to get her tires done.


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