"But You Have Juice Pouches and Rocky!"
These are my rules/ thoughts on dating as a single mom and those dating a single mom. MY thoughts don't have to be yours. I am not a therapist, guidance counselor, life coach, pastor, Santa Clause, your mother or any other title that would give me any authority to give advice. I am just a mom doing the best I can by my kids. Which is what we are all trying to do. Enjoy!
10. Single parents have kids, not a jail sentence. I have seen/heard so many stories about how everything was great and then the reality that you're a package deal is dropped and like douchebag magic, poof, the prospect of a relationship has disappeared. Kids are not a jail sentence, they are an addition to the relationship and an extension of the person you're with. To see them as a burden is to ignore all the greatness that children bring and focus on the small amount of time were there could be difficulties.
9. We're already raising kids we don't want to date one. I'm not talking about the immature guys with fart jokes, those are obvious no chancers. I'm talking about the ones who are still "finding themselves", the "I'm just letting life happen", the "I have to prove myself", or my personal favorite, "just looking for friendship but I'm on a dating website" prospects. I'm sorry but, I'm trying to help three kids figure out who they are, I don't have time to scavenger hunt for your purpose in life. Also, life is not a spectator sport, make something happen or you're gonna be alone forever. To the ones that have to prove themselves, your insecurities are not becoming and I don't have the energy to reassure you. And to my homies looking for 'friendship' on eharmony; if you're looking for friendship, watch a Barney rerun and get a refresher course on friendship. The girls that are paying for their monthly subscription are not interested in your "friendship" or the lack of size thereof.
8. I don't have time for games. I'm not like every other twat waffle or bar rat in the club flirting with guys to get free drinks. If I get your message and don't reply right away it's because I'm probably elbows deep in my daughter's diaper blow out. If you say you need space, by all means let me help you board your rocket ship to planet F*#ktardia. I don't play hard to get, I just am that way because not every guy is worth the roster addition. Can we just grow up. Be who we really are, that will help us figure things out better.
7. Single moms, not every man you date is the new daddy. QUIT bringing every man you date home to meet your children! These kids have been through enough and to involve them in the prospect of someone joining the family is just reckless and selfish. If you aren't even 80% sure that this bae is making it to the chapel, keep your boy toy to yourself.
6. Single parents are a bit nuts. We deal with our kids everyday. No breaks unless it's our ex spouse's time. We wake up all hours of the night, we have little to no help, we have arguments over the importance of pants, we wipe butts and noses, hear our name yelled countless times, and make hostage negotiations with a child you can barely understand. So we do what we can to survive. We go a little nuts. We laugh at inappropriate words like 'duty'. We make silly faces when you look sad. Our mom voice might come out and if we use your full name you know we're pissed. We rock back and forth when we stand, as if rocking an invisible child. Its comforting, don't tell me to stop. But with this comes some awesome things. We are never dull. We know how to turn that frown upside down. Bodily functions do not bother us.We can multitask.We anticipate needs. And we can comfort you like no body's business.
5. I can do it by myself, but I don't always want to. No one should go through life with no witness to it. I can pull myself up by my boot straps but it's nice to have someone put my boots on for me. We need support. Physically, emotionally, spiritually or otherwise, be willing to try. You might not be able to relate to what we are dealing with but we notice when you try.
4. The ex will always be an issue. He might be a good issue or a bad issue or both depending on the situation. But none the less he is still an issue. You don't have to be best buds or mortal enemies. Just remember that we share children and are there for our children. We are divorced for a reason so jealousy is not needed and what little contact we do have with them involves only the subject of the children. Even the single mom's where the father is not involved at all still have to address the daddy issue with their kiddos.
3.The children come first, period. If you don't understand the obviousness of this rule, please exit stage left. Just so we're clear: Single parents will chose their kids over a date, over a text, over plans made, over you...because they are their kids and your life is not as important as the kids'.
2. Every situation is different but as for me, I don't need a new daddy for my lolly pop guild. They have a father and although, sometimes things might get strained I don't need those boots filled. If you make it to this round in the relationship, just know that you are picked as a role model for the munchkins and a supporting role for me. You are at this stage because I want you, not because I need you. That still might be intimidating, and if that's the case, please follow the exit signs to find your way out safely.
1. And lastly the most important thing that I can think of when being involved with a single mom is: we aren't just risking our hearts, we are risking our children's hearts as well. As an adult we understand things don't always work out but children don't. If we bring you into their lives tread lightly. We want you to bond with our children, it's the only way we will know if this relationship can make it to the finale. Just realize that we deeply consider if you are worth chancing our children's hearts for.