What We Deserve

Perks of Being a Wallflower

           One of my most favorite quotes from one of my most favorite movies. I whole heartedly believe this quote. I have seen it reflected in my life as well as others. We walk around either with our heart on our sleeves or closed off to the concept of love completely. Rarely is there an emotionally sane person that balances their emotional dependency/independency. And so we are surrounded by emotionally unstable people, may the dating odds be ever in your favor.
            Our self-concept seals our fate. If we believe we are weak, we are. If we believe we are exceptional, we are. In the sweet bliss that is irony, we seek out those that treat us the way we perceive ourselves.  This only validates and perpetuates itself. We settle, we give up, we give in. For those of us who equate our self-worth to that of a gallon of milk we find partners who believe we are worth the same.  I found a quote the other day that said something like: the best thing in life is to find someone who loves you in spite of your flaws.. I couldn’t help but chuckle. Who the fuck comes up with these shit quotes to define the most unhealthy relationships that only make us feel more unworthy of love and pass it off as legit relationship guidelines. I don’t want someone who loves me but tolerates my flaws. That sounds like a second divorce just waiting to happen. I want someone who doesn’t see what I call my flaws as flaws but more of an accentuation of my character and personality. I don’t mean to say that my partner will find me perfect in every way but that he will find me perfect in my own way.
            We all have suffered at one point or another. Been broke, beaten, used and abused, or at the very least felt less than perfect and unworthy. Its normal and most of us pick ourselves up and brush it off or if you’re Taylor Swift you shake it off, and move along with life. But there are those of us who are beaten down repeatedly. Those of us that are scared and marked forever. Those who have never gotten an apology or the justice that they so deserve. To you, I must say:
 I am sorry for what you have endured, I am sorry for what you have had to overcome, not because you wanted to but because you had no other choice than to survive this life. I understand that I may not know your specific situation and I may never know exactly how you feel but I do believe that no matter your brokenness and battle wounds you are more valuable than the lies that have been fed to you. You are more beautiful than this world could ever comprehend. And you are stronger than your scars give you credit for.

            In my opinion broken and repaired people are the most beautiful. They have endured and conquered. They seem more acquainted with the reality of the world and see situations from a different perspective. They understand, they empathize, they come from a place of experience. For those of us still broken this is what I, at least, strive to become when the dust settles. A beautifully scared woman.
            I have to believe that I have more worth than my abusers or the world has priced me as. I have to believe the abuse, neglect, and shit they put me through was more about them than me. I may have responsibility in certain circumstances but overall my scars were inflicted. There was a time I wrapped my self-worth in them for years and the demise of my marriage has almost engulfed me completely. I struggle almost daily with believing that I am worth so much more than what I have been given. And I still do not believe that I will ever have a perfectly imperfect love but I do believe I deserve it. Do you believe it? Ask yourself if you believe that you deserve that happiness. If it is anything less than yes, you should look into that Cupcake.


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